Some Candy for Thought
by cornpony
Summary: Being a king often entails more than just ruling with an iron fist, and Turbo discovers this for himself in the more mundane tasks he must perform under the guise of King Candy. The citizens he rules over are not as he initially expects them to be. (No pairings!)


Had Turbo known he'd be spending his time pulling gum out of little girls' hair, he might've picked a different game to jump into.

"Ow!" Jubileena whined. "You're pulling too hard!"

"That's the only way we're going to get it out, darling," Turbo—well, King Candy—said. (Did he just call her _darling_? Hoo boy.) "And it would help me out tremendously if you would sit still."

"I _am _sitting still."

"You are not. Sour Bill? Where'd you run off to?"

"Over here, King Candy."

Sour Bill patted a hand on Taffyta's shoulder, trying to console her. Fat tears trickled down her face as she bawled. She, too, had gum all in her hair. Her once blonde head was now almost completely pink with the stuff.

"You'll have to fetch me some scissors," King Candy said.

"_Scissors_!" both the girls yelled. Taffyta was heaving now, curling herself into a ball on the throne room floor.

"Can't we just use the ice?" Jubileena protested. "I thought you said we could use ice to get it out!"

"Apparently, the ice trick isn't working," King Candy said, frowning. "We'll have to cut this gum out, I'm afraid. I'm sorry, girls."

"But tonight's the night of—of the Snowflake Formal!" Taffyta wailed. "We can't show up with our hair all chopped to pieces, we'll be a laughingstock!"

"Come here, Taffyta," King Candy said. Reluctantly, she raised herself up off the floor and walked over to him. She sniffed, wiping her nose on the back of her jacket sleeve.

"Now, what've I told you about doing that?" King Candy chided.

_Nasty little kid, _Turbo thought.

He reached into his coat and retrieved a handkerchief. "Here, dry your eyes. And blow your nose, too, please." Taffyta took the hankie and nodded.

"Scissors for you, King Candy," Sour Bill said, shuffling up with the item in question. King Candy took them, thanking him.

"No, please don't," Jubileena said. She was starting to get teary-eyed, too. She had a headful of cherry-red hair that she didn't want to lose.

King Candy sighed, laying the scissors down in his lap.

"There's one more thing I can think of to try, before we've just got no choice but to cut it out," he said. "But I warn you, it'll be messy."

"We'll try it," Taffyta said, her sobs beginning to quieten.

King Candy hopped off his throne, scissors and comb in hand. "Follow me to the kitchen, girls."

**{*}**

"This feels _so_ disgusting," Taffyta said.

"Yeah, but it totally works!" Jubileena said. She sat at the kitchen island with a salmon-colored terrycloth towel wrapped around her wet, freshly clean hair. Her hair fiasco fixed, she was now snacking on a cupcake, contented.

King Candy had slathered Taffyta's hair in peanut butter, and he was currently using an old toothbrush to comb the gum out, little chunks at a time. Taffyta winced as he pulled at her hair, but she didn't say anything. If it went okay for Jubileena, she wouldn't complain.

_This is such a pain in my ass_, Turbo thought. _But…it _is_ actually working._

After an eternity of working on Taffyta's hair (hers was considerably worse than Jubileena's), King Candy finally let the toothbrush clatter to the floor.

"Clean as a whistle," he announced. "Except for all that peanut butter." He tittered.

"Really?" Taffyta said, beaming.

"Really, really," King Candy said. "Now, to the sink with you. Lucky for us, peanut butter will come out with soap and water."

**{*}**

The girls couldn't stop running their fingers through their hair.

"I can't believe it's finally gone," Jubileena said, sighing with relief.

"I am _never _chewing gum again," Taffyta said.

"Me either." Jubileena shook her head.

"_Chewing_ gum is fine," King Candy said. "Just don't have any more bubble-blowing contests, can you do that much for me?" King Candy laughed.

"We won't," Jubileena said.

"Yeah, we definitely won't."

Then the girls did something Turbo wasn't expecting. They reached up and hugged him tightly, each giving him a little peck on either cheek.

His eyes widened, and for a split second, he was about to break character. But instead, he just laughed his merry King Candy laugh. "You girls had better hurry, or you'll be late for your Snowflake Formal."

The girls said their goodbyes and trotted toward the main castle door.

"Thank you _so _much!"

"We owe you big time!"

"Take care," he called after them. As soon as he saw the door shut behind them, his shoulders slumped. He exhaled deeply.

"I need a stiff drink, Sour Bill," Turbo remarked.

"Good luck finding that here."

"Don't remind me." The two made their way back to the kitchen.

"Send some of the staff in to clean up this tornado, wouldja?" Turbo said, digging through the fridge. Obviously finding nothing alcoholic in there, he settled on drinking chocolate milk from the carton.

"Yes, sir."

Turbo wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand. He replaced the milk and shut the fridge, staring at the clumps of hair and gum and peanut butter everywhere, with a weird look on his face.

"They're growing on you," Sour Bill said.

"They are not," Turbo said. "I hate them all."

"You hate them so much you spent three hours picking gum out of their hair with peanut butter and a toothbrush?"

"I did what they expected King Candy to do," he said offhandedly.

"King Candy wouldn't have gone to all that trouble, and I think you know that."

"You just mind your own business, sourpuss."

"See," Sour Bill said, "you're even swearing less than you used to."

Turbo winced. He definitely had a point, there.

"I'm tired of talking about this," Turbo said. "I have a headache now. Get outta here."

"Yes, King Candy," Sour Bill said, shuffling away.

Turbo/Candy heaved himself onto a barstool and grabbed a cupcake from a dessert tray, licking the frosting absently, deep in thought.

He'd expected to come into Sugar Rush and rule it with an iron fist. That was his plan all along. Be the tyrannical ruler he always knew he could be, and all that.

What he hadn't counted on was being the dominant male figure in a land full of fatherless children.

He hopped off the stool and threw the cupcake, mostly uneaten, into the trash. There were plenty more where that came from. He rubbed his temples.

He had a lot of thinking to do.

* * *

**Author's Note: **a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶g̶r̶e̶w̶ ̶t̶h̶r̶e̶e̶ ̶s̶i̶z̶e̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶d̶a̶y̶

I'm still trying to decide on how I view Turbo's personality. He's wacky, mean-spirited, competitive, goal-oriented, humorous, manipulative, insecure, villainous, and...well, I'd like to think he'd be at least a little bit tenderhearted at times. He can't be an asshole all the time, am I right?


End file.
